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Name | Bill Stark
Alias | Billiam
D.O.B. | 07-22-1988
Hobbies | Amtgard, writing stories, reading
Expertise | Weapons (Amtgard) construction
Likes | Anything dealing with fantasy or dragons
Dislikes | cigarettes, people who refuse to have an open mind to one degree or another
Other | I'm a Japanese nut, anime loving guy who keeps hurting himself at Amtgard.
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INSERT CYOUR CHATTER OR CBOX CODE HERE
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I have no idea what they want here, so my title is: Ironman.
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Billiamus
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read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Bill
Birthday: 7/22/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: Sword fighting, reading, gaming, and Japanese
Expertise: Florintine, history, random facts and others
Occupation: Lifeguard
Industry: What?....Student, I guess.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
2/10/2007
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| How's everyone doing? Who am I talking to? Well, whoever is reading this "Hello!" I don't talk much on this anymore. . .Huh. Anywho, I've been RA here at VU for half the summer now and I can't wait to turn 21 in about 3 weeks. I don't really know if I'm looking forward to going out with my big sis, her friend, Abbey, Lauren and whoever else shows up knocking on my dorm door at some point that Wednesday. Man, I love my music. . . Carolina Liar. . . Great stuff. I've been doing fairly well this summer. Still have a list of things to do. I need to organize a movie night for some time this next semester for VUFC and finish their website and APO's website. I'd like to get this all done before I head over to BSU. I feel bad that I'm leaving so much, but there's so much more waiting for me there. Oh, and I have a few designs to complete for Pep Band and VUFC. Just thought I'd update after what. . . 6 months or so. Still love my friends, there ain't no one better.
Later! =D
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| No one reads this thing anymore, so I really don't care if it goes on here, but here goes:
I'm in love, but not with one person. I love everyone. I love my guy friends, my girl friends and all the random people I know. I love them. I don't know what I do without them. If I could bring them all together into one place and give 'em a huge hug, I would. I'd heal all their hurts and fulfill all their wants. I hate my friends being in pain or in trouble and I hurt all the more when they hurt.
I love my guy friends. I love Zach and the jokes we always share and the conversations we have on the passings of life. I love Jon and our similar sense of justice, video games and our desire to be good. I love Matt and our similar interests and our abilities to brainstorm into insanity (the good kind). I love Patrick for being that little extra boost of fun and a slight mentor I needed sometimes in those early days of college. I love Nate for being that guy who's kinda like me in ways of thinking, but is completely different at the same time and is capable of having a lot of fun. I love Derrick, because he really does have talent and potential and he's such a nice guy that deserves so much more. I love Sam for being my fencing partner and humbling me on the court whenever I think I'm more than I really am. I love Tyler Gegg for giving me hope for the fencing club when it was running dry. I love Adam, he showed me what it takes to be a real artist by overcoming his handicap in painting and for that kick ass art he did for his BSFA. I love Will for being almost constantly in a good mood, someone I can share funny stories with and for being an all out trooper when it comes to school. I love Kyle Mason, one of my oldest friends from M.C. and Troop 876, we've shared so many memories and been such a great team when the troop and the lodge needed it, without him things would have been pretty damn hard. I even love Dave, he makes my friends happy and he got lots of ideas I can get into and have fun with. I love my guy friends and I think they're the best.
I love my girl friends. I love Deb, because she's always there, she can take it and can dish it out and I could see myself going for a woman like her. I love Abbey, she knows my ways and sometimes not, but she's always fun and incredibly talented in what she does. She deserves the best and she's right there when it comes to best friends. I love Katie, we've been friends since before high school and we understand each other and compliment each other well and I don't think I could imagine my life without her. I love Sammy, she's just that odd person who's into all those things I wouldn't know about without her and I consider her a great asset in my life, because it introduces me to things I would have never thought about without her. I love Marissa because of all the little inside jokes we share and how her and I can talk about things that would embarrass others and then just totally turn it on it's head and into a joke. I love Liz P. for being the go to girl, the one I knew, no matter what, I could talk to. . . And would scratch my head. . .^_^ I love Liz M.(being included because she's only 24, HOLY CRAP!) for being a real mentor, for guiding me, listening and telling me when I'm really being an asshole. She'll always be my favorite professor and only one I fear would actually come after me if I did something completely stupid. I love Sarah, she showed me what I was missing in the church and reminded me just how much I used to love the traditional services as a kid. I love Lori, she shows talent that I have alway dreamed up and is pretty forgiving when it comes to me talking during a movie (Wimbledon). I love McKenzie for being my trombone pal in Pep Band and for being such a good sport when I get out of hand. I love Kaylene, she's so smart and incredibly talented, I'm very thankful for her coming into my life. I love Sarah Heckman for being such a good Japanese minion in high school (lol, love ya Sarah!) and for being one of those girls you can alway depend on. I love Melody, she's confused and sometimes I think she has her head screwed on backwards, but she's got a heart of gold and I love the kindness down in her soul. I love Ariel, that girl could kick my ass 12 ways to Tuesday and that confidence, that self composure, that air of down-to-earth emotion and ideas mixed with her totally awesome and crazy ideas (and yes, even her love of ultimate frisbee) makes her so damn awesome.
One thing I have to say, I live in a world full of wonderful women. I am! Albeit, most of them are taken, not interested in me or I'm not interested in them. That doesn't matter, though! There are so many who are just so kind, talented, smart and beautiful. Yet they don't seem to see it! No one seems to see it! All I hear is about is the downtroden. I hear about their failures, their mistakes, their flaws and their horrible relationships. It tears me apart. I just want to tell them all that they are beautiful, that I love them all and I pine for nothing more than to heal their hurts. I have cried for them and I have died a little on the inside with each horrifying story, each put down or freak out over something not so bad. So, if you are one of those women, even if you're not and you read this, if I left you out of the top, it's not because you don't deserve to be up there. It's either because I don't know you or because why I love you doesn't matter. Know this, you are wonderful. I know it, see it within you. I'm tired of telling women the truth and they just dismiss it. If I say you are beautiful, if I compliment your hair or your outfit or just the way your hair falls when you tilt your head, or if I say you're smart, insanely talented or just the kindest, smartest, most adorable person I have ever met, I am not lying. Women are wonderful, they shouldn't be mistreated as they are and I know some of the greatest women on the planet.
There I've said it all and if anyone thinks I'm wrong or gay or whatever, shove it! Think hard about your life, think of the people you know, that are just generally around you and tell me you don't feel something to what you feel.
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| Hey, it's been a while. Well last semester was great. Fencing clubs been going well, got pretty decent grades and I started dating the most wonderful woman I've ever met. She's smart, she's funny, she's. . . a bit of a nerd. She's beautiful and we have loads in common. I love her with all my heart, which is now breaking.
This semester has been really crappy. Things seem to be going down hill faster than I expected. Fencing club is flailing, I grow more weary by the day and my girlfriend is unable to come back to Valpo. This is where my problems started. For the past month her ex has been hanging around and I've been trying to convince myself that she's not going to leave me for him, because, like she said, I AM better. Meanwhile, things have been going crazy for her. College is posing a huge issue, her parents are simply insane and now her grandparents are in the hospital in Kentucky. I haven't had a conversation with her in a week. I actually had to talk to her ex to figure out what's gong on. He had a major issues on Monday, but I think we've gotten over it. Pretty much, I felt she'd been ignoring me and pushing me away. I tried to tell her that, but she said I was being paranoid, overbearing and clingy and that she'd about had enough. That hurt. What hurts more is that, I'll admit it, I'm a little needy, I have to know you love me, she won't tell me anything. I finally managed to talk to her last night. I said I love you, she didn't answer. I realize she's upset, but I would just like a little something. Also, she tried to go to a wedding in Peoria today, with Dan. He came down, from Mizzou, to the middle of Kentucky and now they're heading back. It would have been shorter for me to come get her, but she apparantly forgot. I can't call her, because her phone was dying on the way to Kentucky, yet I called her today and she answered. I was asking where she was staying for my friend Deb, she answers, "What do you want?". . . I'm sorry, I just wanted to talk to you. I told her why I called and she thought I was making it up! Why would I make that up? Why would I lie about that? I love her, I don't lie to her. Yet I feel she may be lying to me. She told me that she wants to keep this going and that she misses me. I'll take her at that until we actually talk again. Still, I feel lied to. I feel she's lied about the phone. . . I love her. I love her so much. I know she's been upset. I know she's been depressed, but I can't do anything to help if she doesn't tell me anything. If this is to work, we have, we HAVE to talk. We have to communicate and she has to talk to me, not to Dan. She can talk to him, but I'd like hearing things from her, not him. Not to mention I can't talk to her online, because her house doesn't have internet. They also don't have a land phone. And now her cell may be getting taken away, which I feel like I am to blame for. At this rate, I will ignore her demands that I not send her mail, whether she likes it or not.
I do know I've been paranoid. I've been so rather senslessly. I'm sorry I didn't show more trust. I do trust her, how can't I? I love her. I'll admit, while I was asking for Deb, I did want to know where she was staying, too, but I had my own ideas and, while I can't say I liked the thought of them sharing a hotel room, I would have understood. The only thing that would have made me really upset is if I had found out they shared the same bed. I didn't think it would happen, but it had crossed my mind. . . If she saw that, she'd be upset with me, even if I did say it's a double standard. She can hang out with Dan all day and I'm not supposed to get jealous, but if I'm even in the same room as my ex, she get's jealous and that's okay. That's the only thing I can't stand, aside from the fact she won't talk to me right now. I pray to God that He might help me. I want this to work and, for now, I will take her words at face value. I will continue to believe that she loves me, misses me and that she wants US to work. If she doesn't, I wish she would tell me. Like I said with Sarah, it's better to get a break up message over the phone than to go months believing someone loves you when they don't.
If for some reason she reads this (or someone who talks to her reads this, please tell her this), I want her to know:
I love you. You are wonderful and I would never lie to you about anything like that. I am sorry for being a stupid boy and for saying such terrible things. Believe me when I say that you ARE wonderful, beautiful and that, for you, I would do anything.
I miss you.
I trust you. I know you wouldn't lie to me, but sometimes you hide the truth by either not talking about it, or not telling all the details. I wish you would talk to me and hold nothing back. I can take it.
I worry about you. I fear you are depressed. I would be less worried if you would talk to me. Not telling me stuff, or not telling me everything hurts. I'm your boyfriend, you can tell me anything, and I mean ANYTHING.
That's all I really have to say.
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| Woo!!! Week back at college and I'm somewhere between thinking this is going to be the best year ever and thinking just how sad I really am.
Pretty much, I've gotten moved in with my room mates, Zach and Jon, and we've had some good times. Apparently, people do miss me over the summer and think my jokes are something to laugh at. I just need to start writing them down. So yeah, I lofted my bed, we got a futon and we've got all our cool posters hanging up everywhere. I got my Jim Gaffigan, The Sexy Tour, poster hanging up next to my desk. That was perhaps the funniest thing I have ever seen. Oh my gosh, I spent the entire time hanging over the arm of my seat because I couldn't breath. It was so freaking funny. I actually got him to address me, because he mentioned Notre Dame, a school I loathe, and I (and a few others) started booing, he turned to me and goes in the little thought voice, "Hey,buddy, calm down, it's just a joke." I got a good laugh outta that one. Anyways, we've got "Back to the Future", "Zorro", Philmont, Monty Python, "Bleach", "Hell Girl" and the Joker's "Why So Serious?" poster. It's pretty cool. The futon is niiiiiiiiiiiice. . . I need to put foam on the frame of my bed. I'm tired of bending down to get socks or something out of that dresser and hitting my head as I stand up. Ow. . . Zach, Jon and I are all having a good time. Deb is here often and we go out to dinner and do other things. Fencing officially starts this coming Saturday, so I'm pretty stoked. Sunday, I have an LEC meeting to attend to at Rice Woods, so I need to figure out how to get there. My classes are going well, considering I've actually been doing the reading for my classes this time around. Uhhh. . . Psych quiz tomorrow. . . Unpleasant in the least. I've also been playing some pool, 2nd Pep Band rehearsal is Friday, Art Squad meeting at 11:15 Friday, started reading The Green Mile, watched a fair amount of "Code Geass" (AWESOME!!!) and just been chillin' with a lot of my friends.
The sad thing is that Sarah and I really officially ended it the Sunday before last. . . 3 Sunday's ago, and now it feels like she's avoiding me. I mean, avoiding eye contact, touching, talking, everything. I say "Hi" and it's like I've just reminded her she has to go somewhere else as fast as she can. Matt and Melanie don't really help. I think Matt's afraid of me and Melanie just seems clueless about everything. And when I do actually talk to Sarah (may have happened a whole three times after that Sunday) she really doesn't talk back. I just don't know what's going on. Thus far, I've heard three stories:
1. From Deb- Sarah says she just doesn't want a romantic relationship at this time.
Fine, I can understand and accept that.
2. From Sarah- She just doesn't feel that strongly about me, but, of course, she greatly values our friendship.
Alright, but it's also worth mentioning that first part as kind of a way of making me feel less like there could be someone else (besides God). Also, shoving me away won't do our friendship much good.
3. From Melanie (and this is the most confusing)- She feels that Sarah is afraid if she allows me to get close again we'll end up dating again, I do not know if that's a concern Sarah has actually voiced, though.
. . . A few things to that. If that's the case, then I've been lied to. Second thing, if that really is the case, then it really sounds like a personal problem. If she can't control that part of her, then she has a personal problem. I, personally, am not going to try anything, even if that was the case. But, quite frankly, just shoving me away the way it feels she's doing isn't going to keep the friendship. I've tried long enough. I've pushed all I'm willing. I won't dare try to maintain a one sided relationship, not again. I won't dare put myself through that ever again. If they want to continue a friendship, then let them put forth the effort, then I'll join in. Until then, my door will be open, as it is for anyone. And I mean ANYONE. I've given my all before, I've given a large portion of what I can for this. . . I'm running out. I love them all, but I know when I'm not wanted.
Till the time I can have them to talk to again, like equals and not like I'm some piece of ornamentation, I'll have these things that I still love.
God
Family
Friends
and my books/music
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| Okay, so I was reading this book, The Worm Ouroboros, and the book absolutely kicked butt. It was like The Lord of the Rings, but with more action, war and love. I absolutely wished I could be like Lord Juss and Lord Brandoch Daha, both men of virtue and nearly unbeatable in battle. The best fight was when they went to invade Carce, the Witchland capital. Troops of Goblins rode with them, including King Gaslark, but he fell in battle (he didn't die) and all the Goblins fled. So, Juss and Brandoch Daha of Demonland stood alone against vaste hordes of Witches, back to back for the longest time until felled by nets thrown from the castle walls. The book rocked!
But if you ever should read this book, DO NOT READ THE LAST CHAPTER!!! And this is why. . .
Okay, so the story is that King Gorice XI, of Witchland, is killed in a wrestling match with Lond Goldry Bluzco, of many mountained Demonland. King Gorice XII decides to summon a dragon the size of freakin' China and sicks it on the lords of Demonland, but they've got amulets. . . Crap, Goldry lost his, well he's gone. So Juss, Spitfire and Brandoch Daha decide to pursue him through Witch conquered Impland where Juss has seen Goldry in dreams and knows he will never be able to defeat the hordes of Witchland without Goldry. And it's a wonderful story of heroism, love, foolishness, and deeds unmatched. Goldry is found and upon their escape of Impland, the fleet of Demonland (50 some odd ships) faces off against the armada of Witchland (80 plus ships) in a great nautical battle. Every ship of Witchland is sunk, but one and that's to be the messenger.
So, the ships of Demonland come to Carce and great battle ensues in which many lives are lost on both sides, but Witchland hath taken the bigger blow, going from 8,000 fighting men, to 2,000. Demonland has gone from 6,000 to 4,000. All those of Carce are locked within it and the greatest of their captains, Lord Corund, lies dead in the great hall. King Gorice XII has locked himself in his tower so he might summon up his dragon buddy again. As those in Carce mourn Corund, the lamps flicker and pale as they did one before when the dragon was summoned. So what do they do? They pass around wine to toast their victory, but guess what!!! It's poisoned by one of their own, because he's a fat, old coward who thinks he should live. At that moment, the King's tower explodes as the dragon rips apart his soul to bring him to Hell. The Demons swarm the castle and find everyone, save the fat man's daughter and Lady Pryzmera, fair wife of Corund, dead. Corund's wife, commits suicide rather than be put in the hands of the Demons (stupid Pixy).
So, peace is brought to all the land with the Demons as the high lords. All the world is put to rights and those dead on both sides are honored. The rightful Queen of Impland, immortal child of the gods, comes to Demonland to congratulate the lords of Demonland (and I think to marry Juss, but that's just me). She comes and finds them all depressed, oh, by the way, this is the part I'm telling you not to read. She asks them why they are sad and get this. . . THEY'RE BORED! No more wars may they wage against their worthy foes, the Witches. So what do they do? . . .
THEY BRING THEM ALL BACK TO LIFE!!!
That's right! The gods love them so much that they can't hate to see the Demons bored, so they bring all those of Witchland back to life. Not only that, they give all the lords of Demonland IMMORTALITY!!! This way, they can wage war till the end of time! I read this and shouted "OH MY GOD!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME!!!"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!? SERIOUSLY, AFTER ALL THAT BULLS*** YOU WANT TO BRING THOSE PEOPLE BACK TO LIFE, JUST SO ALL THIS CRAP CAN HAPPEN TO YOU AGAIN!!! Are you gonna start drawing straws to see who gets to end up on the mountain of death next time? What the!!!! And Juss, if it does happen again, you gotta nother hippogriff egg hidden somewhere for you to use just in case?!?!? Seeing as you've got until the end of eternity I hope you've gotta mansion of 'em hidden somewhere!!!! OH MY GOD!!! GEEZ!!!! That ending was about as bad as the ending to the movie, "The Mist" with the OH MY GOD factor. You're lucky you're dead E.R. Eddison, because if you weren't I'd kill you! Alright, now I'm just gonna be super good so I can go to Heaven. You know how Mother Teresa paraded around for peace, I'd do one better, I'd march into every capital of the world with a shotgun, point it at the leader and say, "Sign this peace of paper that says I love the world or I'll blow your head off!" That should bring peace real fast. Then, I'll get to Heaven and kick the butts of E.R. Eddison and Robert Jordan. E.R. Eddison because the ending of his book was terrible (what ever happened the the guy from Earth in the book and his martlet, he just back up and go home!?!?!) and Robert Jordan, because he died before he finished the Wheel of Time!!! Next time, ask permission before dying Rob!!! OH MY GOD!!! At least have the courtesy of being like J.R.R. Tolkien and finish the main series. Die during the sub-series. . Geez. . . OH MY GOD!!!! Grrr. . .
Actually, let it be known that I love Robert Jordan and E.R. Eddison and it was a pleasure to read they're books. Love 'em both. Have a nice day.
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